My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
