Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
