apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
