u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
