u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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