is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize