You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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