This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
