it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Actions speak louder than pants.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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