i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
