I think I won the penis lottery.
are you so shy because you have an std?
my sisters under your porch take her home
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
