Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
