GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
