If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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