Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
