so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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