UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
