My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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