You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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