my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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