i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
