When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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