do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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