He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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