I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
