I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
