i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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