Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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