Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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