dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
thus making me awesome and them whores
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
