Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
