don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
