beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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