...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize