There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
