i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
