yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
