fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
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just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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