I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
