it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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