just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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