Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
