Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
