ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
