Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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