i think my mom watched the whole time
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
