He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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