I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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