You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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