her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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