please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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