Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
