The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
