id be glad to
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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