Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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