it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
