First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
