did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
