I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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