And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
