listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize