i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
