I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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