awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
you never un-have a 4some
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
