I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
