He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
