my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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