i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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