to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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