...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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