we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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