I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
