I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
