Please, let me fuck your mom
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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